she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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