official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
