All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
