Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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