she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
