remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
