flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
