I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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