she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
