I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
