I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
