You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
now i know why i became what i already was.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
