saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
