i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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