Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
