Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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