My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
