dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
