My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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