I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
