but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
