i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
