"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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