His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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