oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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