I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
