My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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