WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
