Don't you send me to vm
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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