my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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