Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
