is your mom at the bar?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
