I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
