You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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