There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
