I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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