In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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