I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
