Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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