Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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