I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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