I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
