Rock
Scissors
Fuck
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
