So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
