you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
