I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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