I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
