Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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