do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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