If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
