I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
