Taylor Swift is so right about you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
