and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
