sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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