i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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