i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
